Why Are Christians So Obnoxious

What is it about members of Abrahamic religions that makes them so obnoxious? The worst offender is Christians. Many (not all) Christians seem to walk about daily with a holier than thou attitude than is the most irritating shit ever. Here are a few of the things Christians have done.

Seriously. I had a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses come to my door at about 9:00 AM in the morning on New Year’s Day to hand me some pamphlets and pitch me on God. Seriously. They were literally like door to door salesmen selling God. Whatever it is. I have two lovely pamphlets from that day. I’ve never read them, but the cover art sure is pretty. Unless God flies down from the heavens to greet me, I won’t be believing in him any time soon.

Oh and please. Don’t give me shit about how, “Oh, they’re not real Christians, HURRDURR, so you’re wrong.” Bullshit. These people know Jehovah’s Witnesses are real Christians and clearly disagree or have issues with what they do, but don’t want to admit that they’re wrong, so they pull bullshit out of their asses and deny that they’re Christians.

Another time I was at this party. So there I was, a pouring the last bit of Sprite into my cup. It went up to about a full cup. As I was pouring this, a man walked up to me and asked, “Why are you pouring all that? You should share.” This was so out of the blue I didn’t even know how to respond. I managed a, “Oh, well sorry,” and walked away. First, I didn’t really know how much was left, and how far it would fill the cup. Second, someone’s gotta finish it off. Apparently in Christianland, nobody can actually finish a food or drink because that would be greedy. People just take half and half and half until only molecules are left. Only afterwards did my friend let me know that it was actually a church party of sorts. That’s when it all made sense.

And what is the point of attending church? Apparently you go to church to learn how to be more like God, but isn’t it always pretty much the same fucking thing? Golden Rule, help the poor, be moral, etc. Do you really need to spend over a fucking hour every week? If so, you are too dumb to be alive. Seriously. Half the time the Christians don’t even seem that much more moral either. In the end, I think church is nothing more at this point than a weekly gathering of sorts, a jerkfest cult. It’s just a way for people to feel good about themselves. There’s clearly some sort of mental bias here.

Oh, and when a 1,000+ people die in an earthquake, it was clearly God’s will. When one baby is pulled out alive, it was clearly a miracle by God. There are so many things in the Bible that make no sense. It’s like one giant convoluted mindfuck. Almost like that movie Inception.

I have never had members of any other religion pull annoying stunts like what I have mentioned in this post. So all you Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, etc. I salute you. You are wise. You are aware that everyone in the world is full of shit, and it is best kept to yourself, because nobody wants to hear it. And to you Christians, shut up or fuck off. Thank you.

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Most Truck Drivers Are Raging Lunatics

What is it about truck drivers that makes them complete assholes? Is it the extra foot of ground clearance that makes them feel powerful as they gaze upon others in sedans? Is it the worse fuel economy and subsequently lighter wallet that makes them rage? Or maybe it’s the lack of self control that accompanies lower intelligence. Who knows. Here are two tales of raging truck drivers.

There I was just a sittin’ in my car at an intersection, looking at the green left turn yield light. Now on the other side of the road are other trucks and vans waiting to turn left that block my view. I don’t know if there are any cars coming my way. So I inch forward a little to see if I can check for cars before I turn. As I’m inching forward, the driver of the monstrous black Dodge 2500 behind me starts honking nonstop for me to go.

Since I drive a sedan, my line of sight isn’t great. To make things worse, the parallel approaching road was uphill, so there was no real way to see if any cars were coming. I’m waiting to turn, and the whole time this guy is honking nonstop.

I heave an exasperated sigh, and after I make an extra slow turn when the time comes, the guy guns his engine the moment he’s behind me, makes a crazy lane change to pass, gives me a crazed look and speeds away.

Another fun day in urban sprawl suburbia.

The other time I’m making another left turn into a shopping plaza from one of those divider sections in the middle, when once again, a guy in a black truck (A Dodge again?) comes up behind me. Since it was around 5:30, cars filled with stressed out little robots returning home from Cubicle Land were zooming by at a breathtaking speed. There’s a small gap in traffic, but with my pitiful V4, it’s unlikely I have sufficient acceleration to make it past. At this moment, the madman behind me begins to pound his horn like a gorilla. “Fuck!” I exclaimed. Ever since incident #1 listed above, I have hated truck drivers. At this point I flipped the bird through the middle and decided to take my sweet old time.

The hambeast had stopped honking. “That must have shut his lard ass up, I naively thought.” Little did I know that the parking lot would soon turn into Fast and Furious meets Mortal Kombat.

I turn into the parking lot, and this truck driver starts honking madly. He pulls up beside me and he is beet red. Through the window, I see his portly head screaming and his arms waving. He gets out of car looking like he was about to have a heart attack (I wish he did to save the world some trouble). Now I could see what he was mouthing, “DO YOU WANNA GO DO YOU WANNA GO?” At this point I was slightly fearing for my safety, but also a bit amused.

It’s no secret that most truck drivers hardly ever use the bed (I salute those that do more than once a week). Those who buy a such an ugly vehicle with terrible gas mileage and rarely use it for its intended purpose are generally retarded. Retarded people have a tendency to be right wing, unfortunately, and right wing people tend to buy guns. Lots of them. There’s nothing wrong with gun ownership, unless the guns are in the hands of retards, like the aforementioned individual. So knowing all of this, I hit the gas to put distance between me and the frothing baboon. Luckily he does not tail me. Peace returns.

Are you a truck driver? Do you never use the bed? Are you right wing? Well you’re probably retarded.

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Amazon Buyers Are The Scum of the Earth

Alright, so there I was, with an unused electronic device. I need to sell it because I didn’t need the damn thing. So I was like, oh shit, I’ll sell it on Amazon. It’ll be simple.

Little did I know I would be in for an ass raping nightmare. So some bitch ordered this product. We’ll call her Dickhead to protect her identity.

Now this camera I sold was devoid of damage. No scratches or anything. It was basically like new. I packed it well in its original box when I sold it. Imagine my surprise when the moment Dickhead received her package, she said that there was a scratch on the rear screen and she wanted a refund or replacement.

Well Dickhead, it sounds like you planned this out from the start, huh? Because I had no replacement and was a new seller, she must have been angling for a partial refund from the start. I offered her $10 right off no questions asked. She responded in what I imagine was a hambeast demeanor, “OHHOHOH $10? You need to offer at least $70.” At this point I knew she was a dickhead, and rescinded my generous partial refund offer and told her to fuck off. She cried in the reviews how I had never offered her even a partial refund. My face when I don’t even give a damn.

Now this wasn’t the only retard I encountered. Just like the real Amazon Rainforest, you never know what kind of shit or flotsam you’ll find. So this other time I was selling another electronic device which had a memory card slot. Imagine my surprise when some dude in Afghanistan orders it. I almost thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. So basically I mailed the damn thing off (hooray for $10.50 USPS Afghanistan shipping). Some days later I get a disjointed email in all CAPS, “WHAT IS THIS I WAN AT A REFUND NOW THE CARD SLOT DO NOT WORK!!!!!1111ONEONEIAMRETARDEED!!11111!!1 YOU RIPPED ME OFF HOW DO I MAIL THIS BACKA.”

Once again, I smelled the scent of retard from an ocean away. It was especially easy this time because as well all know, people in the military tend to have less higher education, and people with less education are less intelligent in general.

So I knew fairly well the card slot was working because I had tested it prior to mailing, so I calmly walk him through how to insert the card into the card slot. An email later he rages that he has used card slots before, and this one does not work. So I tell him to flip the card around or push harder down to engage the locking mechanism. An email later he informs me in what I imagine was a sheepish mood, that he had figured it out.

Guess that’s why you’re in Afghanistan, buddy! I hate to say it, but let nature take its course. If you’re retarded enough to join the U.S. Army to invade foreign countries with no justification, I guess it makes sense that you can’t work out how to use a memory card slot.

The world is in dire need of eugenics programs to breed this dishonest and stupid filth out of the gene pool. We already have the military. All we need now are liberal eugenics programs.

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